Peeking through the Crack 문틈아이

[카테고리:] Inner Healing & Growth

  • Hide and Seek

    – I was always the one who hid

    When I was young, I liked playing hide and seek.
    But I was always the one hiding.
    I used to wait with excitement—
    hoping someone would come find me.
    But when no one did,
    that excitement quietly turned into loneliness.

    Maybe even back then,
    I wasn’t someone who waited.
    I was someone who hid.

    When I wanted to cry,
    when I wanted to say I was hurt,
    I hid.

    I hid my emotions,
    I masked my face.
    I didn’t say what I needed.
    I said I was fine. I said I was okay.
    Behind those words,
    a small version of me was hiding.

    Maybe I was afraid—
    that if I said too much,
    people would leave.
    That I would be too heavy,
    too much to carry.

    And after hiding for so long,
    sometimes I don’t even know where I am.
    What I feel.
    What face is really mine.

    I am still like that child.
    Still hiding.
    Still waiting for someone to come find me.

  • Mother’s Shadow

    Mother’s Shadow

    – Present, but never fully with me

    I often saw my mother—
    but most of the time, she was a shadow.

    Her back as she tied her hair, rushing out the door.
    Her silhouette blurred behind the front door.
    Her eyes fixed on her phone, even when we shared a table.

    She was always there—
    but somehow, I still felt alone.

    When I spoke,
    she said “not now” or “be quiet.”
    And by the time words came back to me,
    they were too late for the moment they were meant for.

    I remember waiting for her
    more than I remember talking to her.

    She was near like a shadow,
    but never reached me like light.
    That was my mother to me.

    And in the shadow of that mother,
    I quietly swallowed my emotions.
    I tried not to be noticed—
    afraid I might make things harder for her.

    A child raised under a shadow
    becomes an adult who hesitates to feel too much.
    Even with love nearby,
    they smile carefully,
    and break quietly.

    Even now,
    when someone is right beside me,
    I sometimes still feel alone.
    Maybe because I lived too long
    in my mother’s shadow.

  • The Child Still Stands by the Door

    The Child Still Stands by the Door

    I used to stare at the crack of the door.
    There was always something in that space.

    It was a sound that suggested someone is coming.

    Or it was the silence that says no one ever will.

    The door was closed,
    and I couldn’t open it.
    Maybe it was because I learned too early
    that those things were for grown-ups.
    Or maybe…
    because I was afraid no one would be there if I did.

    I hid many emotions when I was young.
    I didn’t say I missed anyone.
    I didn’t say I was waiting.
    Instead, I practiced looking okay.
    I learned to smile,
    because I thought that’s how love worked.

    Looking back,
    I realize I was a child with the face of waiting—
    always facing someone,
    yet never fully seen.

    I am older now,
    but that child still lives inside me.
    Sometimes, when I fall silent
    or stare blankly into the distance,
    it’s him—still standing by the door.

    This space is for him.
    And maybe, for the child in you too.
    The one who never said what they needed.
    The one who kept their face tucked away.

    You don’t have to speak just yet.
    You can simply stay here.
    I’ll go first.
    Gently, slowly—
    telling the story
    so his face doesn’t disappear.

    A silhouette of a child standing in front of a narrow beam of light coming through a slightly open door, evoking a quiet and emotional mood.
    waiting quietly in the light’s shadow; Where silence lives, a child stands. 빛의 그림자 속에서 가만히 바라보는 어린이의 시선, 침묵 속에 서 있는 어린아이